if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
