Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
