If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
