Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
