I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
