so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
