omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my poor anus
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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