He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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