It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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