I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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