He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
