i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You are a genius and a whore.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
