I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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