Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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