I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
