the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
