You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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