You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
