dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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