So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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