I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
