His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
