doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
