Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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