you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
