We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
