Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
