Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize