My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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