she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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