I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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