id be glad to
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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