Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So vagazzling was a success
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
