"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
