Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
this hospital has no fireball
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
