kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
