ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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