We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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