I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
