No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
