Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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