Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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