After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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