If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize