he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you will always have a special place in my vag
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
