if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
