I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
