WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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