anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
not ubering you a puppy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
