Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
