she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
