roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize