Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
