He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
