I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Farmville is her only friend.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
