she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Be still, my beating vagina.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
