So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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