dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
