I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Alive.
So much puke
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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