Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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