Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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