matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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