remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
