Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
