my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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