You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
