Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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