she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
