Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
