He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
