sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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