Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Can Purell be used as lube?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
