just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
