my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
